Poor Favre....

Is it any wonder Brett Favre can't seem to figure out what he wants to do? It's from living with the weather in Wisconsin for so long. Last month the kids wore winter coats and mittens to homecoming and today my youngest played outside in a t-shirt. It's not Favre's fault - it's the environment....

Changing of the seasons

November 1st. It's probably safe to assume that the rummage sale I was planning is not going to happen anytime soon - which is really sad because I had it all set up and just couldn't find a weekend when I was at home long enough to hold it.

I have to say it was really tempting to just leave the rummage sale set up over winter, so come spring I could fling open the garage door, and be ready to go. Fortunately for me, my family and friends all shopped when they stopped over, and there's not much left to worry about - which left plenty of room for... the snow gear!

Back in the nest

Well, the first flight into the adult world was a success. My oldest returned from her trip to D.C. with photos, souvenirs, stories, new friends from across the country, and so much to consider about what she wants to do with her future. That was the hardest thing I have done in a really long time – and probably the best.

Shopping anyone?

Every parent has done it. You’re shopping at the mall looking through sale racks with your preschooler by your side. You look down and she’s gone. The practical side of your brain is telling you that she’s probably hiding in the clothing racks. But there’s no convincing the protective parent part of your brain that goes into full panic mode, scanning the store for every possible abductor, calculating the number of possible exits against the amount of time since you last saw her.

I can’t shake that feeling. I’ll be happy when she is back home.

Sick Irony…

I left the airport after sending my daughter off into the great unknown, and stopped to pick up a paper on the way home, thinking the crossword puzzle would take my mind off it. The feature story was about the plane that landed the plane in the Hudson river a while back. Are you kidding me?

Like the first day of school... kind of… not really…. Ok. Not at all.

Tomorrow morning I am putting my oldest daughter on a plane to D.C. alone to attend a conference for a week. I wrote all her important numbers on an index card to keep in her wallet. Would pinning it to her shirt be overkill?

At least I feed them

We have all seen that baby who couldn't keep going any longer and fell asleep face down in her food on the high chair tray. I give you the 14 year old version.

I went up to her room to make sure she had enough to eat and say good night, and found her sleeping with her dinner plate on the bed next to her (and yes, that's a steak knife inches from her head).

Weekly Cards

Two years ago I started a project called "the weekly card". Each week I decorated an index card using paint, paper, stickers, and found items to create a piece of work that represented the week for me - kind of an journal entry without the words. I really missed doing them, and decided to start again with the start of the school year. I'm gonna try to do them again. We'll see.

Excuse me, you have toilet paper on your....

Glad it's the neighbor's house not mine.

I'm not addicted to my toys - I'm not!

So, I'm way up in the Northwoods of Wisconsin for work. I had great plans to get caught up and work on some photo projects for my family while I was here. Instead, I wound up at a hotel without cell reception and WIFI. When I set my cell on the bed by my feet I had service, in my hand on the right side none. The WIFI in the meeting room would be strong for 20 minutes then cut out, and the help line was no help.

Need an idea for a quiet place to get away from it all? Call me - if I can get service I'll share....

And the day begins....

I would never be awake to see this if I didn't work nights....

In honor of today...

This morning my kids and I were talking about how remembering September 11 is so much different now that we've been there and seen these places. I thought in honor of today, I'd take you on a little sightseeing tour of some of the memorials we saw on our visit to NYC last month.

Eleven Tears: This memorial is beautiful, peaceful, and so simplistic, but no element of symbolism was overlooked. It's located across the street from the WTC in the American Express lobby at the World Financial Center. It is an eleven-sided pool with the names and descriptions of the eleven American Express employees who died on September 11 etched into the granite. In the middle is a huge, eleven-sided quartz suspended by eleven cables. Water drips down the cables and lands in the pool, making a ripple that extends out. Here is a complete description of the Eleven Tears memorial.

St. Paul's Chapel: This tiny little church across the street from the WTC has history dating back to George Washington, and became the rehab center during rescue efforts. Most of the pews were damaged by the firefighting equipment, and the decision was made to remove all but two. Now, chairs face a podium in the center of the church in a circle. Surrounding the chairs are exhibits documenting the events following September 11 from the church's perpective. The thing that makes this special is that it tells the story of how St Paul's Chapel provided and served the community during this time.

FDNY Memorial Wall: As a firefighting family this was especially powerful. Ten House sits literally across the street from the WTC site. A memorial wall on the side of the building recognizes the 343 firefighters killed on September 11. Even all these years later, people still leave momentos at the wall. It's amazing that the firehouse was even standing after the attack, and even more amazing the work these guys did that day.

WTC Site: If you follow the skywalks, you can walk completely around the WTC site. In this giant construction site, the WTC Plaza is beginning to emerge. The new 1 World Trade Center, called Freedom Tower has risen above street level. The tower will be 1776 feet tall when completed, and become America's tallest building. Work has also started to construct the two waterfalls that will be set in the exact footprint of the original towers as the main feature of the National Memorial and Museum.

Staten Island Memorial: We wandered upon this by accident. We took the ferry to Staten Island after dinner, planned to relax by the water, and then take the ferry back at night. We sat a few hunderd feet from the Memorial for more than an hour, and even commented on what an interesting piece of artwork it was, before we made it down the shoreline and found out it was a memorial. Two large "wings" are made up of each person's profile with names and photos in some of them. When you stand looking toward Manhattan, the wings perfectly frame the WTC site.

There are so many more memorials around the site and throughout the City. The Sphere from the original plaza was recovered and now stands in Battery Park. The Ground Zero Cross, a piece of steel in the shape of a cross that was recovered from the site, sits outside St. Peter's Church.

Seeing these things first hand makes the enormity of the events more clear, and in some ways more frightening - it's closer, more personal. These places also represent our ability to recover, rebuild, and remember the things that are important in life.

At least in some places "never" still means "never"

That's right...cover the guilt with shoes

My sister sent me this today, and I thought I would post it here, because I feel much less like a bad parent when I know that she is doing the very same thing that I would have done....

Well worth every penny…

In the last few days, my youngest son has been missing his older sisters who now both attend school all day. He is reminded that he is without playmates every time I slow down the momentum. I was reading a label at the grocery store when he piped in, “I miss the girls.” In the car when the music ended he said, “Can we go pick up the girls?” When we sent the girls off in the morning he stood at the end of the driveway asking, “When can I go to school?” He truly misses them.

So, with all the back to school commmercials over the past few weeks, my son has seen the “Sketcher” shoes commercial several times. When he asks for them my answer is always the same, “Your birthday is coming. We’ll see.” As parents, I would like to think that we don’t over-indulge our children. We do not partake in the back to school shopping spree. We often stay away from the backpacks and clothing with licensed characters on them. We don’t run out to purchase the latest toys and trends “as seen on TV”.

In my attempt to distract my son from his loneliness (and my feeling of being “chopped liver”) we have been doing a lot of bumming at the mall and the parks. Now, if you were to see a pair of policeman light up sketchers, where might you see them?

I caved after the third encounter with a three year old boy wearing “policeman light up shoes” on the swing next to us. Thirty-six dollars (yes, I did) and three stores later, my son was gleefully dancing around in his new “Sketchers”. He keeps them in the box and tucks them in at naptime with great care. Now, when momentum slows down, his shoes light up and save the day. So worth the $36.00!

I knew one of them would give me a good story....

As my oldest was getting ready this morning she announced, "I hate my schedule. I'm going early to change it." Why she could not do this two weeks before school started, when she got her schedule, I have no idea.

So I dropped her off at school an hour early with her "sucky" schedule, her locker shelves (again, you have two weeks to do this and wait till the morning that school starts), and a lock that she did not have the combination for. How's that for parenting....

Just get on the bus....

This morning all the children here are back to school.

Some parents must capture every last memory before their innocent baby goes out into the big world. As I was leaving the subdivision, I watched as one mom climb onto the school bus with her little one to take a picture, and took three more of the bus pulling away (I think she might have even chased it just a few steps before she realized and stopped). I also know some parents who spend the day celebrating "mom freedom day" with a few cocktails.

Me? I'll report on my kids later - I'm sure there's a bloggable story in there somewhere....

What about you? Happy to see 'em go? Can't let 'em go? Or somewhere in between....

How moms get stuff done

My teacher-husband, unlike the rest of the world, has off all summer. The first week of June we put together a list of the things that really needed to get done over the break. Today when I pulled in the driveway the giant tree branch that was on "the list" scraped along the windshield again, and I couldn't take it anymore.

I know the reasons he will give for not doing it - we don't have a chainsaw, or a ladder tall enough, the neighbor said he would help but wasn't home this week, and we should really wait until the right time in the growing season - yada yada yada.

Yeah, no. I have done everything on "the list" this summer - like painting the upstairs, cleaning the carpets, and building shelving in my daughter's closet. Did I mention he was off work all summer? My first thought was to just leave it, switch so his car is on that side of the garage and let him stand out there in November sawing away with frozen hands while I waved from the window with a hot cup of coffee. I just don't have the patience to play games.

Instead, armed with a handsaw from the toolbox downstairs, I pulled the van (the mom ladder - also useful for getting little rubber balls out of the rain gutter) onto the grass right next to the tree, and started working. An hour later, I can walk to the mailbox without ducking under the tree.

You want stuff done, ask a pissed off mom.

How predictable....

My kids went for school physicals a few weeks back, and after being measured my oldest stepped off the scale and asked, "Am I still five-foot-eight'?"

It just reminded me how it is to be a teenager - from day to day, nothing - not even your height - is a given.

The future of education....

If my husband's new school "spirit wear" is any indication of the state of our educational system, we are in serious trouble. Today at the in-service they handed out t-shirts that represent the new school philosophy of being not just a teacher - but a hero - to kids. The teachers all have to wear them tomorrow to the district meeting.

Saving and changing lives? Right after we feed them all breakfast and buy them pencils. The concept is great, but maybe a little reality check is in order. Especially since today, before school even started, a teacher's car was broken into and the GPS unit stolen right from the school parking lot!

My husband says, "Better a hero than a baby-sitter, at least."

New math

• 2 parents
• 6 children
• 12 grand-children
• 24 great grand children
• 1 family reunion

You don't know what you don't know....

I thought I knew some parenting things - then I went to a workshop on drugs. Thank God I have good kids because there's a whole crap load of stuff hidden right in front of us. All of these t-shirts are a reference to pot, and I probably passed kids wearing them in the hallways.

Kids are mixing cough syrup and alcohol cocktails that go by names like: green lizard, purple monster, sweaty Italian, and orange crush (never would have caught that).
Powerful drug substances can be made from morning glory, saliva, nutmeg, and coffee. Yeah, coffee - boiled down, mixed with ammonia. It's some scary shit.

Get educated:
www.erowid.org
www.whenjustsaynodoesntwork.com.

Time to get back to work (almost) ...

Last week we took the very first family vacation ever that did not include visiting relatives for a funeral, wedding, or reunion in a state that touches ours (that's this weekend).

We spent a week in New York City visiting museums when it was raining, wandering Time Square when it wasn't, and eating pizza and Jamba Juice. I don't usually post pictures of my kids, but this is one of my favorites from the trip - my three daughters on the ferry leaving Ellis Island.

How to work at the humane society....

If you want to work at the humane society you have to know how to answer basic questions about dogs:

"Will he shed?"
"No, not more than any other dog."

"He won't be a big dog, will he?"

"He should only grow to about 30-40 pounds."

"Will he always chew like this?"

"That's just a puppy thing."

"Wow, he's really slobbery."

He's just teething. He'll outgrow that."

"That's quite a bark."

"He's just excited because he's with you."

Driving me crazy....

Well, my oldest passed her driver's test this week. For those of you who have yet to reach this milestone, I can only compare it to the first time she went to a sleepover party when I didn't know the classmate's parents.

I debated a lot about whether I would let her drive right away or not, and had still not reached a decision when she got home that day. I decided that making her wait would only add to the anticipation and the pressure to do well her first time out.

So, she drove to herself to her basketball games the same night she passed her test. She remembered to text me when she got there, and I didn't even remind her to. She is a good driver and a safe driver - I've ridden with her - I've taught her. I guess it's really just me that isn't ready.

You don't have to toot....

After my ride into work today, I thought I might provide a brief lesson on the use of car horns and cyclists. I am a safe and defensive rider, who has logged thousands of miles, and it still startles me when a driver beeps at me. My first reaction is always, “What danger am I missing?” (the words are usually more like WTF but the thought is still about avoiding the possible hazard).

I have put together a few quick tips for using your horn while sharing the road with cyclists:

1. Do not beep to let us know you are there. I am riding in the street for God’s sake! I expect there to be cars around me. And pedestrians, and city buses, and people on the cell phone who open their car doors to let their toddler climb out of the car right in front of me. I know you are there.

2. Do not beep to encourage us. Although I appreciate the thought, I won’t acknowledge you anyway, because as soon as I turn around to say thanks I will be sucked up by a pothole the size of the Grand Canyon. If you really want to encourage me, just hold your Starbucks out the window for me to grab on the way by.

3. Do not beep because we are in your way. Because I am not in your way. I am supposed to be riding on the road (not on the sidewalk). There is only so far to the right I can ride – have you looked at the side of the road? On a normal day I'm navigating broken glass, fender parts, and road kill - and that's in the bike lane.

And, if you make me really angry you leave me no choice but to ride even s-l-o-w-e-r. So if you are feeling a little horny as you pass the next cyclist, do what you need to do - but please don't beep at us....

Seriously?

I went to use the bathroom at a the hotel where I was attending a conference and this is what I found. So do they have a little stack of the pre-folded fans on their cleaning cart? Or do they fold one each time? And if they fold it each time, where in the bathroom do they do that - on the sink? On the floor? On their leg? I'm still not sure if I am impressed that they care about the details or annoyed that someone feels the housekeepers actually have nothing better to do than fold toilet paper fans. I wound up using a different stall so I wouldn't ruin all their work.

Put those back!

Our dog was out in the yard and dug up a bunny nest that was hidden under our pine tree. We stopped him before he injured any (he grew up with guinea pigs and hamsters - I think he was rescuing them). I would have been perfectly willing to keep five baby bunnies (in your dreams) but every source said to put them back.

While we were debating what to do with them, the momma bunny came back looking for them. We did our best to replace the nest around them, and I arranged some long grass over top so I'd know if the momma had been there. The momma will only come back at dusk and dawn to avoid drawing attention to the nest. And the grass was only slightly moved, so I doubt any predators ate them.

I am just gonna stay in my happy place believing that they are the ones I see hopping around the yard....

I feel so helpless....

My computer has been down for the past two weeks and it has been horrible! Every time I wrote a check I worried that an automatic payment cleared while I couldn't check my balance. I sent back a Netflix movie and didn't know which one was coming next. I had to scroll through pages of Face book status updates to find out what everyone is doing. Event schedules, the weather, the headlines - all gone.

My brother in law hooked me up with a temporary computer, and now I have internet and all my applications again while he fixes my other one (I love you BIL).

How NOT to train your employees.

I just got back from a required training on how to provide excellent customer service. The training was scheduled from 9am-1pm. At 1:15 we were only half way through the outline, so I motioned the instructor over and asked, "How much longer do you think we will go?" He said, "Oh, we should be out by 2:30 or 3:00."

Someone who keeps me 2 hours over the scheduled time clearly doesn't respect my time, doesn't really know what he is teaching, and isn't gonna share anything about customer service that I don't already know. Maybe I just have a bad attitude.

5 Tips for Hosting a Safe Teen Party

Last night we had a houseful of teenagers, 27 of them to be exact. My middle daughter wanted to have an 8th grade graduation party (and since her July birthday parties are generally less spectacular because everyone's on vacation, we said sure).

We have hosted several big teen parties over the years, and I'd like to think we have gotten pretty good at them. So how do you survive a teen party? Five steps:

1. Deny all responsibility. I put Party Girl in charge of the bash from the get-go. The kids are responsible for planning the activities, food, decorations - and clean-up before and after. The flip side of that is that they are also responsible for the actions of the people they choose to invite.

2. Do your thing and go home. A free-for-all is a recipe for trouble - so is pin the tail on the donkey. Have activities planned, but not too much. Last night Party Girl planned an hour and a half at the park, where they could organize games of basketball and volleyball, or sit and talk. Then they came back to the house to watch a movie and eat.

3. Go big or go home. I don't mean spend lots of money, I mean do it right. Yes, we used the sports equipment laying around the garage, and provided the regular concession stand variety of junk food. But, my brother in law loaned us his DVD/projector set-up so the kids could watch the movie on the whole garage wall - a far cry from piling in the basement in front of the 30-incher, that's for sure.

4. Enlist help. No one wants parents hanging around, so we sent the group to the park, 2 blocks away, unsupervised - sort of. I escorted one late-comer to the park and got a good look at what was going on. I put my neighbor who lives behind the park on alert for any trouble, and my brother in law stopped on his way into the subdivision to make sure he "connected with Party Girl about the video set up". Add in the pesky, tag-along siblings, and they had a spy-by every 20 minutes or so.

5. Earn a reputation. I overheard Party Girl telling a friend, "if anyone brings stuff to the party my mom won't call their parents, she'll just call the cops." Zero tolerance, and I mean it - and they all know it. The kids who want to avoid drugs and alcohol know our stance - and the kids we know use are clearly absent from our events.

In the end, it's about combining teen recklessness and the adult "rules" for one awesome evening.

Today is the last day....

...of school. Finally. 

The end of the school year is always such a frenzy for us, that we never really started any traditions for the last day of school. Here's one from Having Fun at Home that I wish I had thought of when my kids were little.

Any ideas for next year? Maybe if I start planning now.... (everyone who knows me is stifling a giggle, because they all know how last-minute I am - go ahead and laugh - I have a whole year to work on this).

Who knew she was so observant?

My middle daughter and I were running an errand today and she pointed out this sign as we passed:

"Las Fajitas"

"Mexican Restaurant"

(insert 13 year old's sarcastic tone) "Really? Las Fajitas is Mexican? I never would have guessed."

Hang on, I'm coming....

My daughter and I were on the way to pick up pizzas for dinner (because I am too cheap to pay the delivery charge and tip) when she got a text from one of her best friends, Erin, whose boyfriend just broke up with her.

"Mom, I have to go over there. She could barely talk, she's so upset."

So I went in for the pizzas, and we headed for Erin's house. As we pulled into the driveway I asked my daughter when I should plan to pick her up. "I'll call you. Probably tomorrow. Erin needs me." With that she grabbed a pizza from the stack, ran up the front steps, went inside without knocking, and was in Erin's room before I even left the driveway.

There are some things that are the same no matter how old you are. Like best friends who will drop everything and bring you their pizza when you really, really need it. 

What a nut....

My co-worker's five year old daughter Annie started a new summer day camp today. About 10am the day care called in a panic, because Annie had eaten almost half a peanut better granola bar before she told them she was allergic to nuts. My co-worker's laughter really threw them off - until she said, "Annie's not allergic to nuts." Turns out she just thought it would be fun. Kids - gotta love 'em!

Enough! Enough! Enough!

The kids are done with school next week Friday. Exams are next week. The teachers can stop assigning homework any time now. If they haven't learned it by now, it isn't gonna happen. Wrap it up already!

I knew I shouldn't have joked about it.

Sick. I spent my whole weekend sick. I had to check my phone to make sure I actually called work, not just imagined it. I have no idea what my kids ate - if they ate. On the plus side, the giant pile of laundry on the bathroom floor is collecting all the dog hair I didn't sweep up....

What's not to love?

Dear Two Guys who came in to the hotel after the Brewer's game in your Cub's shirts, drunk off your butts, cause your girlfriends are both at home, then hit on the desk clerk who has step-children older than you, while getting directions to the strip club at ten minutes before bar time. I have to smile because it's my job, but I think I know why you're still single....

You knew I'd have to comment on it....

Probably only my family knows what a big time germophobe I am. I would rather fall than touch the escalator railings, and I use the handicap buttons to open doors in public places. I ask for salt and pepper packets instead of using the shakers on the restaurant tables, and the thought of eating at a buffet gives me the heebie jeebies. My kids call me Monk.

And I hate to say it... but this pandemic situation has been great for us hygiene freaks. I realized it last night as the Wal-Mart greeter wiped down the shopping cart handle before pushing it in my direction. Surfaces are wiped down regularly. Hand sanitizer is being provided in public places. There have been lessons about HOW to wash your hands on the news. People who don't cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze are actually shunned.

Now I will get the flu for sure for making light of it, but we're all gonna get it anyway....

Spring (please don't) Break (anything)

"Are you guys sure you'll be ok in the room alone while I'm at my conference?"

"Mom, we'll be fine, really. We'll probably just swim or walk over for food or something."

(door closes)

Netflix is the best strategy game ever!

I know it is supposed to be a movie rental service: we choose a movie, they send it to us, we watch it, send it back, and they send us the next one on our list (que). That's the movie rental version. That's where the game version begins.

I have compiled some strategy tips for others playing the Netflix game (based on an unlimited, one movie subscription, with the whole family sharing access).

1. Keep your movie at the top of the que. Once you have chosen your movie the enemy will log on and move their movie to the top of the que. You will need to monitor the que closely to be sure your movie is at the top at sending time (kind of like bidding at the buzzer on ebay).

2. Make sure your movies are still in the que. Another easy form of sabotage. The enemy will log on and delete all your movie choices from the que, leaving only theirs.

3. Mail movies back in public mailboxes. If you use your home mailbox, the enemy will take the movie out of the mailbox. This gives them time to reset the que before mailing it back.

4. Keep your movie with you at all times. If you leave it laying around the enemy will mail it back before you can watch it. While you are searching for the lost movie, the next movie on the que is already on its way to your home.

5. Guard your password. The serious enemy will log on and change the que, then change the password. Once the movie is successfully sent they will change the password back, leaving you to think that you were just typing the password incorrectly yesterday.

Maybe it's a good thing we haven't given up our Blockbuster membership....

It depends on your definition of cool....

We got to do the coolest thing today! I am in New York (for the first time my life) with my daughter and her school orchestra - so if I want to be truly accurate I have done a lot of cool things today. Right, back to the story.

We were dropped off at Rockefeller Plaza in the pouring rain at 8am after an 18 hour bus ride. After the organized tours we had free time and my group of kids wanted to go to Carnegie Hall. When we arrived our clothes were soaked despite our umbrellas, the raincoats had served as a really effective way to channel water right down our backs, and our shoes were squishing as we walked.

As we opened the door and stepped in we were greeted by "Greg" and directed to the ticket table for tours. "Are there any parts of the Hall we can see without going on the tour?" I asked. His answer was the expected "no" but he offered to sell us tickets to a concert that night. "Thanks," I said, "but we have to meet our group for dinner." He offered two other opportunities for us to return, but I each time we had another event planned.

We either looked really disappointed (or really pathetic) because he said, "Hold on." He talked briefly with another guide and said, "Would you like to watch the rehearsal?"

He escorted us into Carnegie Hall and directed us to seats near the back. We watched more than an hour of a closed rehearsal for the New York Pops Orchestra. At one point I looked over at the four kids with me; one held back tears and the others sat watching every moment.

That was not the highlight though. The highlight was realizing that I was with a group of teenagers who would consider special admission to a rehearsal at Carnegie Hall the highlight of their day.

The post-game game....

My family is at a basketball tournament this weekend. We had a little time after games tonight back at the hotel, so we pulled out The Game of Things. One person reads a card and the rest of the players write down an answer. For example, "things you would do if you were a superhero" or "things you shouldn't do on your boss's desk." The answers are collected and read, and you get points for guessing who wrote what.

We played with a group of about 10 people - half teens and half parents. I saw a whole other side of my kids and their friends! They were creative, funny, realistic, and twisted. When one of the adults crossed the line a little with an answer (things you shouldn't do on your desk - yeah we went there), the kids followed it and we all laughed together.

It was a little reminder for me about how much closer my oldest daughter is to being an adult than she is to being a child - and I like who I am seeing.

Sometimes I amaze myself...

...or how to be an awesome (but not cool) mom....

I have always made it a practice not to spy on my kids, but I also try really hard not be stupid either. At the start if every school year I make each kid give me her locker number and combination. At first this was not such a popular idea. Strange how they have adjusted.

On occasion I stop by their lockers to drop Halloween candy, extra "lunch" money, or my favorite (because it also requires me to have their schedule to time it right) hot chocolate in honor of the first snowfall.

Today my oldest was home sick. I signed in at the office, walked down the hall, and let myself into her locker. As I grabbed her history book and left Breaking Dawn for her girlfriend, a teacher I hadn't seen following me said admiringly, "Wow, you're good!" I have my moments....

It happened again.

I had half an hour to kill on my way home from an appointment today so I stopped at Barnes and Noble to look around. Ten feet inside the door I hit the "New in Paperback" section. I started thumbing through one of the books on the shelf, and suddenly I was 10 minutes late picking my kids up from school.

I have read more books standing in the aisle at the bookstore. I think it's because I am a good skimmer, and I don't mind reading the ending first then going back to fill in the gaps. This time it was Kristin Hannah's "Firefly Lane". Last time it was "Wednesday Letters" by Jason F. Wright. The time before that it was "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. How does this happen to me every time? I think I need help....

Recess is for weenies

A lot of schools, my daughter's included, have banned tag and dodge ball at recess. There are restrictions on basketball, tag football, and kickball. They can't hang upside down on the monkey bars or sit on top of them because they might get hurt.

Her taekwondo class this week was "fun week" and they did leapfrog, log jumping over each other, and piggy back races. They were crashing to the mats left and right as they tried to get on each others backs and trying to hang on without touching each other. They were falling over each other, off each other, and on top of each other.

And you know what? No one got hurt. And it was funny.

Frogs.... who knew?

My youngest daughter is all about messy, dirty, creepy crawly things. Since the start of the school year she has grown increasingly interested in fish and frogs. Was I surprised that she saw the frog habitat kit in her teacher's closet? Not really. Was I surprised that her teacher said she could bring it home to look at? (I owe you big for that one, Mr. F.) Not really.

The kit came with a phone number that you call to have your tadpoles shipped once the habitat set up. Except they don't ship to Wisconsin when the temperature is over 80 during the day or under 40 at night - they do realize that leaves only one week in the middle of June, right?

No problem. We'll go to the pet store, spend $5, and have tadpoles to put in our habitat. Yeah, um, no. Pet stores don't sell tadpoles, neither do aquatic stores, or bait shops. Too many people buy them, raise them, then release them into the wild where they damage the ecosystem.

Fortunately for us, there is a science supply store an hour away that another teacher uses frequently, and they ship same day in any weather. When you order, you get 10 tadpoles that will either be African Water frogs or Leopard frogs, but you can't specify which, and they say to allow for about half to croak (ah ha ha) before they mature. Total cost, about $8 a frog. Release them into the wild - are you kidding me? The best part? We got African Water frogs, that can't even use the habitat....

See, I'm a not just a slacker as a mom....

I am a slacker mom. I don't deny it. I am the last one to turn in the field trip permission slips, I forget when the girl scout meetings are (did I mention I am the leader) and again, I refer to the Easter Bunny story. At least I am a slacker in other areas of my life or my kids might take it personally. It seems my blog has been the latest hit. Don't worry, I'll get caught up - I always do...

Cause basketball is my life....

At the basketball game tonight I overheard one of the parents talking about a dad sitting a few rows down fom him whose daughter graduated last year, "He does know his kids don't go here anymore, right?"

Not the workout I planned on....

I was having a great workout on the bike trainer in the basement with my headphones on, when my daughter came down and said, "Mom, there's something wrong with the dog - he's in the bathroom shaking." In the past 24 hours our two dogs had somehow gotten into an entire pan of brownies and 1/2 bag of M&M's, so I was more than a little concerned. I ran upstairs and managed to coax him out of the bathroom to go outside. I encouraged him as he wandered around the side of the house, hoping that any issues would "pass". But as soon as he got to the backyard he was gone like a shot to the neighbor's house to visit.

So there I was, chasing the stupid dog through the yards in my spandex cycling shorts, a sports bra, and winter boots. My poor neighbors.

But wait that's not the best part. As I opened the door to go back in the house, I was blasted with the smell of five years of pizza cheese burning on the bottom of the oven. "Did the smoke detector go off before?" I asked. Of course it did. Only with my headphones in I couldn't know that, and didn't realize until after the chase, that the dog was in the bathroom hiding from the detector.

And do you think one of them could fill me in?

Where's your stuff?

I was pulling into the parent drop off line for my youngest, and asked her if she had her coat. She glanced around, shrugged her shoulders, and said, "It must be at school." "Are you sure," I asked. "Yeah, if not, I'll just grab another hoodie from the lost and found." As we pulled around and she stepped out of the car I said, "Where's your backpack?" "Hrmph. Must be at home."

Aside from the obvious fact that my daughter showed up at school without a coat or backpack and we were both ok with that, I was struck by something else - the change from 5 years ago. She was having a meltdown over her missing lunch and the teacher was out of ideas, so she called my older daughter off the playground to help! It took most of the afternoon to calm her down, and she has taken hot lunch most days since. What a difference!

Scouting - and not the girl scout kind.

On the phone the other day another parent and I were talking about our schedules, and she said, "You don't mess with basketball - it's a cult." She couldn't know how on the mark her comment was.

My youngest daughter had a game yesterday. A coach from one of the teams known for its active recruiting of talent, approached another dad from our team and gave him a business card for his daughter and mine. A week earlier we were approached by another coach scouting for a select/all-star team for summer. I have a couple of thoughts about all this:

• First of all, my daughter is good, but not great, and I can say this because I have two older players and know what "great" looks like. She's not there yet.
• Second, my daughter is in fifth grade. What if she has a growth spurt that leaves her hopelessly clumsy between now and then?
• Third, it's January. I am just getting back into the schedule for the second half of the regular season - I am not thinking about summer yet.

She will play competitive ball over the summer, for sure. If she doesn't, there are other girls who will, and talent gap widens quickly, even at this age. Today in most sports, if they aren't playing competitive leagues by the end of grade school, high school is a long shot. When I was a kid, we were lucky to have enough girls for a team. On the positive side, it will be good for her to play with kids that love the game like she does and have skill levels that can challenge hers. But scouting in fifth grade? Seriously?

I hired a driver!

I have always said when I make it rich, the first person I’ll hire is not a cook or cleaning person, but a driver. I have a lot of pet peeves related to driving (yeah, that's a surprise, isn't it), so I won’t list them here, but as a result, driving is just not much fun for me.

So for the unbelievable cost of a $415 (the fee for driver’s ed these days) I have hired a driver. I have her for the next five months, until she turns 16 and can legally drive alone. As we pulled into the school lot yesterday, she looked at me relaxing in the passenger seat and said, “You’re never gonna let me take my driver’s test are you?”

Not until the next kid turns 15-1/2....

It's a curse I tell you....

I am planner challenged. I can't seem to find the right fit.

If I was just responsible for me I could pick up any one of the free monthly pocket calendars that are handed out this time of year. I like monthly calendars, because I can see before we get to the "day of" that we have basketball, a fundraiser, and a girl scout meeting on the same night. But as the social director and transportation manager for four other people, those itty bitty boxes just don't do it.

So I switched to a weekly format. I tried 1 page per week, 2 pages per week and even tried making my own pages. But there is no room in a weekly for for other things like bills that are due, fitness goals, or grocery lists. Part of my obsessive organizing is list-making - that, or it's a highly developed strategy to compensate for my absolute lack of memory. Either way I cannot survive without lists and need to keep them with me, preferably safety pinned to my jacket. Last year I thought I had the right planner - I bought a Moleskine with the weekly calendar on the left and a blank page on the right. It was great for keeping schedules and lists in one place but still too small for our lives.

Now, add the one other complication that I am an aesthetics person. It matters to me what the paper feels like, how see through it is, how big the lines are, and what color the cover is. I like spiral bound so I can fold it over, and it has to be durable enough to take with me everywhere (that memory thing again). I am open to suggestions....

Back to school - boo.

Most parents are doing the happy dance right about now because in less than 24 hours the kids are back to school. I'm not one of them. I like having my kids at home. We stay up late, sleep in, eat donuts, watch movies, read, and have friends over - luxuries that don't happen during the school year as often as I'd like. So sadly, tonight I will set out breakfast, backpacks, and lunches, and get ready to send them off to school. I wonder if Starbucks will soften the blow?

That's it, time to pack it up....

I love our Christmas decorations. Every year when I pull them out I am reminded of past years: the felt doorknob mitten, the clothes pin angel ornaments, tissue paper and paper tube candle holders, and letters to Santa. So many good memories!

I have to admit, though, I am equally happy to put it away. As a somewhat compulsive organizer, it's challenging for me to have all the extra "stuff" in my house this long. I don't know how people who leave decorations up until April survive! It's time.

Jesus wore a big red suit?

Today's email from my sister....

While my Second Grader is being told keep quiet about her belief in Jesus instead of Santa, my Kindergardener came home with her weekly newsletter. And it stated,"This week we celebrated Christmas' of other cultures. We learned about Kwanza and Hannukah. Students made levened bread and played with a Dreidel. We also learned math concepts using Menorah Candles. We look forward to celebrating a traditional Christmas next week focusing on the man with the Big Red Suit."

Funny, I don't remember Jesus wearing a big red suit! Seriously, can they make it any harder for us to celebrate Jesus before anything else?!

Don't just stand there, grab a shovel....

I was shoveling the driveway tonight when the neighbor stopped and said, "you know it would be easier if you shoveled a path down the middle, the pushed the snow on the right side of the driveway to the right and the left side to the left."

"Yeah", I said, "but when I shovel it all to one side there is more snow on the sledding pile."

Duh, why else would I shovel the driveway at all? :)

My niece is THAT kid (the rant that goes with the story)

Throughout my parenting years, I have encouraged my kids' belief in Santa. My sister has taken a much more religious view with her children, and sticks to the nativity story.

This past week my niece was taken out into the hallway where the teacher told her that she was not to debate the "realness" of Santa anymore because of the conflict she was causing in the classroom. Yes, she was told to stifle her religious opinions to keep the peace.

Her teacher was given a brilliant opportunity to teach, and she took a pass. I am disappointed that the teacher was not equipped to deal with the topic of differing views more effectively. Someday soon it won't be Santa they fight about - it will be about religions, politics, or gender issues. Grade school is when we need to start giving kids the language of tolerance and acceptance.

Although my sister and I sit on opposite side of the S-man debate, our kids have existed peacefully all these years because we agree to respect each other's views about the holiday. Believing in Santa does not prevent my kids from enjoying the religious aspect of the holiday. Religious beliefs do not keep my nieces from enjoying the history of the Santa story. Our kids have common beliefs in an omniscient being who knows what they are thinking (and when they are asleep or awake), and they can appreciate the magic of carefully chosen, cleverly packaged gifts (like Jesus).

Yes, my niece is THAT kid.

My niece did not have such a great day at school today.

The kids were working in centers or 6-8 kids when the teacher noticed a commotion. As it escalated she went over to see what the problem was. Apparently on the eve of St. Nick, my niece had told all the kids that Santa was not real, and that parents brought the presents.

Some kids were arguing, some were on the verge of tears. The teacher took my niece out in the hallway and talked to her about over-sharing.

My poor sister is waiting for the angry phone calls to start.

I have a serious response to this, and you'll get that tomorrow. For right now I am just happy that I am neither a classmate's parent nor my sister!

I'd like to buy an "A"

I have issues with a lot of things that happen at school. Normally I let it go. But this one drives me crazy!

On the way home from school my daughter was desperate to stop at Walgreens. Why? Because the teacher is giving extra credit to kids who bring in a box of Kleenex, and my daughter really wants an "A" in that class. This is not the first time this has happened.

We struggle to make ends meet sometimes, and sending tacquitos for the whole Spanish class for Cinco de Mayo extra credit is not in our family budget. So what about the kids whose family is even more financially challenged than we are? They get to keep their "C" because they can't afford to buy their "B" like some kids can.

Level playing field? I think not.

I am so on my game

My family and friends know I have issues with time management (read about the Easter Bunny situation). I always seem to be caught off guard - holidays, lunch money, conferences.... Not only do I have St. Nick on my calendar, but I scheduled time to put up the stockings tomorrow for St. Nick to fill. I rock.

Um, what did the Easter Bunny bring you?

In the 14 years I have had children, you'd think I would have mastered the art of Easter and any other holiday that involves creatures who come in the night and leave stuff. Somehow I always find myself standing in Walmart the night before picking through the remains - knowing that in just a few short hours everything left will be half price. But as moms do, I suck it up and get it done, and all ends well.

This year I took it to a whole new level. Saturday night, on the way home from my best friend's 40th birthday party (she's WAAAAY older than me), my sister asked what the Easter Bunny was bringing to our house. So there I stood, after way too many Cherry McGillicudy's shots, in a 24 hour Walgreen's hoping for the best. When the youngest woke me this morning with a whispered, "Mom, the Easter Bunny came last night" I cringed as I asked, "and what did the Easter Bunny bring you?"

"Mom, I got really cool stuff - I'll go get it.

Ahhh, success.

5 reasons I love snow (an optimist's view)

1. Just saying "it snowed" got all three kids up and out of bed in 30 seconds flat, something that usually takes 20 minutes.
2. The dogs ran themselves silly in the yard, came in and collapsed on the floor.
3. I got to listen to my WHOLE playlist on the way to work this morning.
4. I don't have to look at the un-raked leaves in the yard anymore because they are "gone".
5. The people out shoveling (with 40 degree days predicted all week) make me laugh!

Way out of her league....

So, my oldest daughter had one of those it-seemed-like-a-good-idea-at-the-time ideas. She and David decided as part of a prank to bring his brother's Halo 3 game to school. Predictably, it got broken, and predictably, the parents were not pleased.

My daughter felt responsible so the next morning - the kids had off school - she took her own money, and I drove her to Hollywood Video to pick up a new one. She planned to take it over that evening and apologize when David's parents got home from work. During the day she texted David, only to find that within 24 hours, his parents had already bought another copy of the game.

Obviously some of the things I tell her are sticking, because she made a couple really insightful observations all on her own:

1) Some kids can't live 24 hours without something they want.
2) There are no consequences for bad decisions - if you break it, someone will fix it.

The thing she was most frustrated by was that David's family didn't even give them the chance to do the right thing. She wanted to fix the situation, and was feeling pretty proud of herself for calling around to find the game, arranging a ride, apologizing to David's brother, and thinking about what she would say to his parents.

In the end she did go over there, talked to David's brother and parents, and offered to pay for it. They were very understanding, and declined. But this was a clear reminder of how different our family expectations are sometimes from the mainstream....

I hope you have an idea!

Those of you who know anything about me will not be surprised that despite being ultra-organized, I am also ultra-busy so unfortunately, I am the queen of the last minute.

It should come as no surprise that my youngest and I were standing in Target looking for a birthday gift an hour before the party. Feeling the crunch, I started suggesting ideas: how about a DVD? does she have an ipod? maybe a journal and some cool pens? clothes? watch? GIFT CARD???

I was nearing the breaking point because she couldn't choose, when she said, "Mom it's not that... it's just, well, those are all too teenish - she's a kid." Bad mom....

Working mom, and working, and working....

It's Monday. Since Friday I have:

• worked 18 hours at my first job
• worked 16 hours at my second job
• graded 40 essays for some contract work
• attended 8 basketball games
• worked the concession stand
• attended a basketball pizza party
• went to a girl scout meeting
• made 12 greeting cards
• attended the party to exchange them

All I say is thank God moms can multitask! It's time for a break. I'm thinking something fruity with a little umbrella in it....

Grainy stuff for lunch

My youngest was telling me about her day, and said, "Oh, mom! I had a really good lunch today. I had pizza dippers, an apple, and whole wheat bread."

"Whole wheat bread? How did you get whole wheat bread at school?"

"Well, it really wasn't whole wheat bread, it was brown with the regular crust - it didn't have any of the grainy stuff in it..."

I didn't think they had real wheat bread at school....

Fall cleaning... stand back!

I had the day off yesterday so I took advantage of the time to get a manicure, finish my scrapbook pages, and meet a girlfriend for lunch. Yeah, right. Actually I cleaned the house. Again. Like I do on every day off.

When I clean I don't mess around - ask my sister about her pantry after the time I babysat her kids. And with the forecast turning colder, I realized that if we are stuck inside for the next three months the dust and dog hair could kill us. It was time.

I dragged the shop vac upstairs and vacuumed everywhere. I did the blinds, the light fixtures, got the ladybugs in the windowsills, and even moved the beds to do underneath. All the extra blankets are in the wash, and I changed the furnace filter (I don't even want to know how long it's been since that was done), and the big pile of clothes in each kid's bedroom was purged while they were at school.

I know you're thinking, "Oooh, can you come to my house next?" I can, but when you ask an organizer who is probably slightly OCD to help, be careful what you wish for....

I am a Hallo-weenie....

I like Halloween, but as my kids are getting older we are all realizing that I like the preschool version of Halloween. I like pumpkins, and witches, and little ghosts, and bats. I am not a fan of chainsaws, slashers, and x-files.

In my 15 years as an EMT I saw some really gross things, and talked about them openly over dinner. But pop in the latest horror flick and I turn into a squeamish weenie. My daughter and her friends have invited me to join them for some of their scary picks. I watched The Grudge and Darkness (both rated PG-13) with the covers up to my chin, hiding behind a bunch of fourteen year old girls.

At least when my youngest daughter's girl scout troop went to the haunted corn maze tonight, they knew they had me to hold down the fort outside.

There was a little witch....

My youngest asked me today if I would tell "the pumpkin story" again at her Halloween party next week. Another parent shared it when my 15 year old was in Kindergarten, and between my three kids I have told it every single year.

The best part for me, is that it requires no planning. I grab a sheet of orange paper from the supply cabinet on the way to the classroom and use my daughter's scissors. The story is about a witch who is trying to find herself a home for the winter. As you tell the story you make a few cuts in a folded piece of paper. When you open it up the sheet of paper has been magically transformed into a jack o'lantern.

The story is “The Little Orange House” from Paper Stories by Jean Stangl. And this is for those visual folks. Enjoy!

That's it, I'm outta here!

I'm walking to San Fransisco, starting tonight. Well, ok, I'm cyber-walking. I found a great website in the USA Today Weekend Section (I realize it's Wednesday night and I'm just getting to the weekend section, but it is what it is).

The Gal To Gal Walk is a virtual walk-a-thon for patients with late-stage breast cancer. The walk started on October 1 in Cambridge, Massachusetts and will end in San Francisco. It gives a whole new meaning to "you go girl" doesn't it?

And since I lost my mom to breast cancer, I had to join. Find team Marsha and sign on!

Update on the "Blanky Saga"

A guest post from my sister....

As I said I would, I faithfully walked the ground we covered at the Zoo the night before and came up with nothing. I asked numerous Zoo employees, and filled out a lost and found report at the administration office. Nothing.

My son still insists that his blanket is in the possession of a scarecrow seen leaving the Zoo with a cardboard box under his arm. Between my son’s fear of scarecrows and the absence of his “lovey” we are up against the odds for a good nights sleep.

With this truth at the forefront of my mind, I have found what might be the only two Circo mircofleece striped blankets left on the planet. One comes from an ebay sale in Illinois and will be here in two days (and yes, I did consider driving to get it). The other blanket is coming from a girlfriend who read the story on this blog. Her son has the same birthday as my son and the same love for a special blanket. She has seen our boys with their special items standing side by side with the blanket/thumb position and knew its importance. She will be by tomorrow morning with said item to see if it will do.

I know that you are all thinking, “He’s going to know it’s not his…” and you are probably right. My efforts may all be futile. But as I said before, the things we do for our children…

Deena's Homemade Chicken Soup

1. Buy a roasted deli chicken for dinner at 8pm on Thursday night on the way home from basketball practice. Pull all the meat off the chicken and put it on a plate so the kids can eat the tater tots instead.
2. Put the meat back in the deli container with the bones (because the deli containter has a cover and the plate does not). Refrigerate.
3. On Sunday when there is still an entire chicken in the back of the fridge, dump it into a big pot and cover with water. Simmer while you go to the store for onions, carrots, celery, and egg noodles.
4. Remove chicken pot from stove and dump into the spaghetti strainer placed over a popcorn bowl. Pick out the chicken, toss the bones, put the broth (already seasoned...) back into the pot. Pay the kids to cut up the celery, carrots, and onion while they whine about it. Add to pot.
5. Simmer while you finish the laundry, bathrooms, dishes, vaccuming, and dusting, about 2 hours.
6. Call the family to eat. Add the egg noodles and boil for 15 minutes or until the kids show up and tell you they are not hungry right now.
7. Simmer two more hours and serve with bread and butter.

For the love of a “Blanky” (and some sanity)

And now a guest post from my sister....


Last night was our annual Halloween at the Zoo outing. With three costumed children in tow, we headed out into the darkness with our flashlights. My youngest son has long been afraid of the dark and “the mooner”, his newly acquired fear is costumed people. With Halloween soon approaching, he has a “love/hate" relationship with malls and department stores. From the cackling moving broom in the grocery store, to the scary witch statue that occasionally moves in Wal-Mart, he chooses to stay in the cart with his sun glasses on (apparently safer this way).

So, when it came time to go to a Zoo full of scary costumes walking around the in dark, I decided to break the “no blanky” rule and let him take his beloved striped blanket in his stroller with us. I am sure one can already calculate what happened. At the end of the night, we put the stroller in the car and within seconds of snuggling in his car seat, he asked for his blanket. Anticipating his request, I was already frantically scouring the back of the car for it. When my husband ad I realized it had been dropped in the Zoo. We panicked. As a mom or dad one can guess how a night without the “lovey” paired with his left thumb can be.

My husband spent the next 20 minutes scouring the Zoo in all the places we’d been. He chased two golf carts (with very fast Zoo employees), answering my three cell phone calls as I retraced my visuals on the blanket in my head, and encountered three packs of raccoons coming out of the woods. Needless to say, our efforts were in vain and we did not find “Striped Blanky”. On the drive home we retraced our steps with each other out loud and narrowed down the vicinity in which we may have lost it. After trying to convince my son that the “Puppy Blanky” was good, we put him in his bed. Thankfully he was traumatized enough by the costumes and the loss of his blanky that he crashed immediately. In between the cries for his blanket at 11:30PM, 2:00AM and 5:30AM, I plotted out my plan for this morning.

I will wake up, get some breakfast for my kids, and be at the ZOO by opening at 9AM. I will attempt to comb the Zoo in daylight once again for the beloved blanket with my new search parameters. I will go to lost and found with a current picture of the missing blanket and unleash on the Zoo employees until someone drives me in a golf cart through the Zoo until we find this blanket (o.k. maybe not the golf cart).

Oh… the things we do for our kids…. (I’ll let you know how it turns out!)

the lunch lady is going down

Today my daughter had a fundraiser at school (yeah, I know another one... but this one I didn't have to do anything for). For a buck, they could wear a hat in school all day. My daughter dug through the costume bucket and came up with a witch hat. As she was passing through the lunch line, the lunch lady (our oldest kids went to school together - we go way back) looked at my daughter's hat and asked, "Oh, is that your mom's?" When the teachers started laughing, she realized what she said and she started laughing, then they all laughed even harder when they realized my daughter got it too. I can't wait to see her face when I show up for the Halloween party at school dressed as... the lunch lady!

Pinkies Up, Ladies

My sister and I talk most mornings.

I have been through play dates, sleepovers, and theme parties, but today she shared an invitation that was a first for me. One of the parents invited the girls in my niece's class to a four-week etiquette series including: table manners, introductions, shaking hands, and a week tailored to the group.

Are you serious? Tea parties are great for 3 year olds. The Manners Try-it is a great unit for Girl Scouts. But a four-week series? My girls learned table manners at family mealtimes. They learned introductions and hand-shaking (hey, a two-for-one) when I introduced them to parents at PTO meetings or coworkers at the company picnic. We didn't need a "series" - a series with a $15 fee - to teach them to be polite.

But, we did not have all the other girls in class already signed up, not to mention the nagging thought, "Did they invite her because they think my daughter needs better manners?" I can't blame her for writing the check.

Oh, I give up....

My kids have a habit of leaving their dirty clothes lay in a pile on the bathroom floor when they are done taking a shower. I left them all week to see if anyone would take care of them. I am not surprised that they didn't - I am surprised that I thought they might. This week the laundry experiment is officially over.

From now on I will pick up their clothes each night and put them into the wash. I know this does not teach them responsibility. I know this does not teach them independence. I know this does not teach them consequences. And I'm ok with that. My oldest got home from volleyball at 9pm with more than 2 hours of homework still ahead. My second daughter went from her basketball game right after school to another practice, and she also got home after 9pm with 2 hours of homework. As far as teaching responsibility, independence, and consequences - managing a schedule like that trumps picking up their own laundry any day.

Communication Breakdown

My daughter lost her phone today. Well not really - it was confiscated. At school. As she was turning it off. In the hallway. Between classes.

Ok, I understand the school has a policy about phones in school. If she had gotten caught using it during class, I would be hard-pressed to defend her (not to mention all the work I would make her do before I gave it back). But she wasn't using it and it wasn't during class.

Our family depends on our cell phones. At 7:00 every morning we leave our house for work and school, then spend the afternoon and evening running from one activity to the next. Her phone is the difference between sitting in the rain for 20 minutes when practice ends early or calling me during the break to let me know. It means that I can let her know my meeting is running late so she doesn't think I forgot to pick her up (again). Our phones are a lifeline between each other.


To make matters worse, today after school when she went to get it from the office it was missing. Yep, the school lost my daughter's phone, so now I have to go in tomorrow and find it. All I have to say is her teachers better keep their phones off and out of sight while I'm around....

I disagree with the experts on this one....

I am always looking for ways to stay connected to my daughters as the walls of their worlds expand daily. There are a lot of experts with advice about keeping the lines of communication open with teens, creating meaningful discussion, and building relationships with them. Well, I have some of my own:

Don’t talk to them. Comment on the music, compliment their hair, but don't try to engage in meaningful conversation. Listen to how they talk to their friends - it's not long-winded discourse - they talk to each other in bursts. Sometimes the best information is not a conversation, but a snippet that can lead to a conversation later.

Let them text or type. I lost my ability to multi-task years ago. My children know this and use it to get permission for things while I am distracted by something else. Just the same, when teens are multi-tasking, they are likely to answer a question without thinking about it - so we get the raw facts.

Feed them. Food has long been a way for moms to care for their families. Teens let their guard down when they sit down at the table (or on it). Munchies seem to work the best because they have to keep coming back for more - again the snippet concept.

In one weekend, using these techniques I was able to find out that: Amber's mom won't let her watch PG-13 movies, Angela copies Sara's every move, Melanie got a concussion in cheer-leading, Sam was shopping for a different homecoming dress, the tendinitis in Erin's knee was still bothering her, and I had supposedly reported a drinking party to the school authorities.

It may not seem like much, but snippets work. Instead of the typical, "How was your day?" I can ask, "Did Sam find another dress?" to which she will reply, "You would not believe what Sam said in math today - I don't even want to talk about her." Hmmm, another snippet....

Why I’m not a cool mom….

I used to be a cool mom. Then one day, all that changed and now I am just a regular mom.